


Forever

by FanficReader321



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 21:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30027801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficReader321/pseuds/FanficReader321
Summary: Instead of Sue confessing her love to Emily in 2x10, what if she had left? One-shot
Relationships: Emily Dickinson & Susan Gilbert Dickinson, Emily Dickinson/Susan Gilbert Dickinson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Forever

Hi!

This is something I thought of when I saw the season 2 episode 10 scene with Emily and Sue.

Instead of Sue confessing her love at that moment, what if she had left? 

This is really short and I didn’t put a lot of time into it because I didn’t want to lose motivation, but I hope you all still enjoy it!

\---

“If you pushed me away I’d become someone else’s problem?” Emily spoke, “Guess what, I’m not your problem anymore Sue. You can go back to your perfect parlor, with your fancy dresses and be as exquisitely empty as you like, because I will never make you feel anything again. And without me,”

Sue bit her tongue before asking, “What…” Afraid of what the answer would be. Afraid of what she’d have to accept.

“Without me...I don’t think you know how to have feelings.” She finished.

There it was. The problem she was desperately trying to avoid, trying in vain to make disappear. The numbness she felt, surrounded by everything she could ever need, but nothing that she wanted. She wanted Emily… she needed her....

But it was too late now. Staring into Emily’s chocolate brown eyes, she saw a hurt, a betrayal, that she didn’t know of she could rectify. She had to leave, get out, so she wouldn't have to face the hurt, the pain that her actions had caused.

“Okay.” The words rushed out of her mouth before she could stop them. Why was she accepting this?

She turned around towards the door and Emily went back to her chair to stare out her window. She walked away and her hand went towards the handle of the door, the cold metal chilling her, about to exit the room that normally would hold all the light in her day, but now held only sorrow.

Oh how she wished she could take back all that she did, all that she said. But she couldn’t. She didn’t even dare to turn around and see Emily’s face one last time...if it was the last time.

“Shut the door on your way out.” The words came out cold and emotionless. Sue bit back a sob.

She wordlessly exited the room and slowly, as if possessed, returned to her house, avoiding all the people in the salon, and went to her room, where she broke down and cried. The unspoken words ringing in her head.

Emily felt Sue’s presence leave the room, and heard as the door shut quietly behind her. Tears slipped down her cheeks and fell off her chin, dropping onto the carpet. She bit her lip until it bleed, trying not to scream faced with the agony that was inside her.

Can you die from a broken heart? She wondered. Because I surely will.

She crawled to her bed, heart broken and shattered from losing her one true friend, the only one she had ever truly loved. She lied there awake until late at night, but her exhaustion eventually dragged her into sleep.

Sue lied in her bed, alone, unfeeling and just as broken as her other half. She was numb and she knew it was a feeling that she would always have with her from now on.

\---

A week had passed and Sue was still faking her smile and hosting her extravagant parties in an effort to drown out the hurt. In an effort to feel something other than the agonizing numbness that had settled over her. Who knew being numb could bring so much pain?

Emily lay limply in her bed, ignoring her family's pleas for her to eat more than just a bite of food, to drink more than just a few sips of water. But she ignored them. She wished death would just come and take her, but in all her longing, he hadn’t paid her even a single visit.

She could hardly move in all her weakness and a fever soon overtook her, leaving her shivering with unbearable cold and sweltering with an overbearing heat. In her blurred vision, she wished she would see the one person whom she desperately wanted, but she knew that she would never see that person again.

If I am to die, it is you whom I wish to see. But your presence will only kill me faster.

Sue had been ignoring and avoiding everyone and everything that reminded her of Emily so she had no idea of her condition. That was up until Austin forcefully grabbed her in an effort for her not to run away, was he able to tell her.

“Sue stop!” He cried, as he grabbed her arm.

“Let me go Austin, I don’t wish to speak with you!” She tried pulling away from his grasp, but he only held her tighter.

“It’s Emily!” He yelled, and time seemed to slow for Sue. All the effort to not think of her went to waste as memories blew through her mind like a storm that had been held back by tape.

Trying to sound unfazed, she asked softly, “What about Emily,” but her voice cracked, betraying her.

“She’s sick. Anything we make her eat, she throws up, and she barely ever drinks. And she has such a high fever! Hallucinating and mumbling nonsense about death! She’s been sick for days now but you kept running away and I never got to tell you.”

Sue breathes in sharply and even if she knows she’s breathing, it feels like she’s drowning, unable to let any oxygen in. Fear prodds at the forefront of her mind, filling her head with horrific scenarios.

“Is she…” Afraid to know the answer but it still escapes her lips.

Austin’s eyes fill up with so much sadness and grief, she almost looks away.

“...the doctor-” He never got to finish as Sue rushed past him, not sparing him a second glance.

She raced off towards the neighboring house, bursting through the doors, adrenaline pumping through her veins.

Please no, please no. Let it not be true, let it be some cruel joke fate has decided to play on me.

But as she entered the room whom she had memorized, she couldn’t avoid the reality any longer.

“Oh...Emily…” Sue breathed out, alarm evident in her features.

Emily was lying in her bed, her face as white and pale as the sheet that was draped over her small form, a damp cloth attempting in vain to break her fever placed gingerly on her forehead. 

Emily still hadn’t noticed the other presence in the room, too dizzy to open her eyes. She coughed harshly and a red liquid splattered from her lips, which Sue soon realized, to her horror, was blood.

Not wasting another moment frozen in the doorway, she knelt by Emily’s side, and touched her cheek, near to tears at the temperature. She grabbed an already blood splattered cloth on the table and gently wiped the blood from the poet’s lips.

It was only then that Emily registered that she was there, which was worrying in itself because they usually could always sense each other, and the fact that Emily couldn’t, made her sick with dread.

Emily’s weak voice fluttered up to her ears, and she had to lean closer to hear it.

“Sue, it is really you? Not a fragment of my imagination?” Emily blinked slowly as if trying to tell if it was another dream. She tried to move her hand to touch Sue’s cheek, but she was too weak.

Sue noticed and took Emily’s hand in hers, fresh tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“No Emily, it’s really me. It’s Sue. Gods, I’m so sorry. For everything that I said and did.” This time the tears did fall, streaking down her face and dripping onto the blanket.

“At least...I get to see you one last time…” She takes a small breath and stills for a moment and for a split second Sue thinks that she’s lost her, but then Emily’s chest rises and falls again. Sue breathes out in relief. Then Emily’s words register.

“No Emily! You are not going to die! You can’t and I won’t let you! It’s not your time yet! You’re going to be a famous poet, remember! You can’t die!” She says, her voice rising in octaves with every word.

What she really meant was, you can leave me, I won’t let you leave me, but again, just like last time, she was too afraid to admit it out loud.

Emily was silently staring at her, as if trying to ingrain the last moment they would be together in her mind.

Sue saw through her and realized that the hollow words that she was spitting out weren't the ones that she wanted to say, the ones that would make Emily fight.

“Emily you can’t die… you can’t die...because-” Her voice cracked and she fought down another sob. She couldn’t stop now, because if she did she would never have another chance ever again.

“Because… I love you!” The words poured from her mouth like rainwater from a thunderstorm that was hitting on a drought stricken plain.

Emily’s eyes cleared in what seemed like the first time in forever, before they clouded again.

“Your-” Her voice broke off into another fit of coughs, before she steadied herself.

“You're lying... I don’t believe you.” She rasped, her voice raw.

Sue’s eyes teared at how far they had fallen. They used to have so much trust in each other, but now… No, she refused to give up this time, she refused to let Emily waste away.

“That’s not true! The only time I ever feel anything is when I’m with you! Emily, I do love you! The only thing I will ever truly feel...is my love for you.” She was out of breath at her speech and she could only wish that she had been heard.

“I…” Emily was speechless. Those words were the only things that mattered to her. That’s the only thing that she needed all this time. Sue’s undying love for her.

“I love you too... my Sue.”

“Rest now, my Emily.” Sue whispered, before she climbed into bed with her, wrapping Emily in her embrace.

And for the first time since the marriage, Sue didn’t feel numb anymore.

And for the first time in a very long time, Emily didn’t feel empty inside.

Forever — is composed of nows

And they would be together for all of forever.


End file.
